My second-favorite thing to do at an online casino is play the slots. Okay, so they don’t have quite the same level of intellectual stimulation as roulette, but they can be even more exciting and profitable.

First of all, there’s like thousands of them. Yeah, I know that I’m prone to exaggeration, but not this time. The biggest online software developer, Microgaming, has over 400 slots of its own! The others aren’t too far behind, and I know that there’s at least eight of them —  so by my calculations, that’s a buttload of different slot machines.

When I’m feeling all old-school and retro and steampunk and fishsticks, I like to play the online slots that resemble the classic fruit machines and one-armed bandits (with only one hand, so it’s even). The details are authentic (I guess, they look good to me but I’m not like 120 years old or anything) and the gameplay is fun.

When I’m feeling a little more modern, I totally go for the 21st Century video bonus slots that are based on films and video games and especially comic book characters. The graphics are just completely and utterly epic, and they usually have a second bonus screen that is more like a full-on video game than an slot machine (so, like, right up my alley).

As far as the money aspect goes, the best slots to go for at an online casino USA are very definitely the progressive slots. Sure, you win a little bit less often but you also get the chance of winning a lot. And by ‘a lot’ I only mean that some of the progressive slot jackpots are enough to pay for me and my entire big family to build a spaceship, fly to the moon, and open up a four-star moon resort.

I may be exaggerating, but the biggest jackpot that I’ve ever seen was like 6 million dollars. That’s big enough for me to quit my job at Burger Balls, for good this time.